Introduction

Last year was a year of much racial tension. I think many white people were caught off guard as it was the first time they had heard of a lot of things people of color were voicing.

I’ve always had friends of different races (my elementary school boyfriend was from Iraq!). I still never really understood where my friends of color were coming from. I never considered myself a racist by any means, but I pushed back against many claims of discrimination and racism I heard from friends. I thought they were exaggerating or making mountains out of molehills. I didn't understand why everything had to come down to race.

Before we adopted our girls*, I started realizing that maybe I needed to listen more to people of color about their experiences instead of listening to white people’s opinions about the experiences of people of color. When we decided that we’d be open to adopting a child of any race, I started doing even more reading, more listening, and more thinking.

Now, I’m the mom of two girls of races different than mine. My eyes are even more open to the differences between White America and everyone else. This exercise originated on my Facebook page and took place over the 29 days of February. I made a daily post that highlighted a way that life is different for people of color.

Upon the suggestion of a friend, I've compiled all of the entries here (published in reverse order so that they can be read in their original chronological order).

I hope you’ll read along even if it makes you defensive, uncomfortable, or angry.

*My husband and I have three children. We have a biological son who is white like us, an adopted black daughter, and an adopted biracial Navajo/Irish daughter. They are referred to throughout as B, KG, and M, respectively.

1. Hair

For those of you who have been pregnant, think about how violated you felt when someone, especially a stranger, touched your belly without your permission. Think about how it felt for everyone and their mama to ask when you were due and ask any number of intrusive questions. If you responded to this rudeness with anything other than a smile, you were most likely dismissed as a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. That lasted about six months of your life, give or take.

Now, imagine if on a nearly daily basis for your whole life, someone came up and touched your hair without asking as if it was there for them to touch when they wanted. Or imagine constantly having people comment on your hair and question you at length about what it feels like or how hard it is to take care of. Or imagine being made to feel like you belong in a zoo based on how people are petting you and exoticizing your hair. If a black woman speaks up for herself or comments on how rude this behavior is, she is dismissed as an Angry Black Woman.



On top of the touching, the stares, and the questions that can make a black person, especially younger girls, feel “othered,” they are barraged with images of a beauty standard that does not include them. When was the last time you saw an ad for black hair care products on TV? When was the last time you saw an ad in People or Vogue? Pretty much never.

Imagine if you showed up to work or school with your hair styled in a natural and cultural way, and you were told your hairstyle was banned and you needed to change it.

Imagine if this was a battle you had to wage nearly every of your life.

It's not just black hair that is misunderstood.

Navajo females wear their hair in a special bun called a tsiyeel. The hair is folded over in half and then in half again and then wrapped in white sheep's wool spun into yarn. This is not ceremonial. It's a daily life thing.

Here we have a ref making a Navajo girls basketball team take out their tsiyeel because the strings that hang from it posed a danger. But he ordered them to put ponytails in. How waist-length hair flowing free in a ponytail is less hazardous than short yarn hanging down, I don't know.

A young boy with a traditional Mohawk was kicked out of school for an inappropriate hairstyle at a school called Arrowhead Elementary.

Bonus reading:
Why natural hair matters in race discussions.
http://news.yahoo.com/why-woman-asked-hillary-clinton-213400993.html

2. How is flesh color defined?

Imagine if you go to the store to buy nylons or undergarments, and all they have are medium to dark brown. What if those colors were called ‘flesh’ or ‘nude.’



Imagine that all the bandages on the shelves are medium to dark brown (except the cartoon character ones, obviously). What if the only way you could get bandages that match your skin color was to purchase them online?

What if you go to buy makeup and there are about 15 different shades for brown skin and just three or four for your skin, but they make you look like you have a fake tan?

Watch the two videos below. The first is of black women trying out mainstream 'nude' fashion (lipstick, bras, pantyhose). The second is of the same women trying out 'nude' fashion for black skin.

Video warning: women in undergarments.

Video disclaimer: the women read the definitions of the word 'nude.' One of the definitions is having white skin. If you look it up now, it doesn't say that anymore. A student petitioned to have that definition changed. Websters changed it in August 2015. This video was filmed before then.

3. Normal and Beautiful

Children grow up predominately surrounded with images of white people. Books, TV shows, ads, commercials, magazines, toys, cartoons, comics, movies, superheroes, everything. Seeing these consistent racial mirrors reinforces for children of all races that white is normal and ideal.

Finding books, movies, toys, and babies that feature characters that match my girls is not as simple as going to the store and picking up the first book we see. There is a lot more available now than there was when I was a kid, for sure, but it is still not normal to find a good selection of Asian, black, Native American, or Hispanic things for kids, especially ones that don’t fall into stereotypical tropes.

To give a real life example of the impact of this, there’s a scene in the movie ‘Home’ where the mom of the main character describes her daughter as having “beautiful brown skin.” Every single time KG sees that scene she gets a wistful grin on her face. No matter what we as her parents do to provide her with positive racial mirrors, it’s obviously not enough for her to have that intrinsic feeling of value in her own skin.

Society* regularly accepts that marketing’s projection of what defines beauty has a negative impact on young girls’ body image.

Society* regularly denies that marketing’s projection of what defines beauty has a negative impact on black kids.

*By 'society' I mean society in general. I know there are pockets of dissent for the former and acceptance for the latter.

4. Marketing Movies

The marketing of movies is another example of society not reflecting positive and normalizing images of people of color.

Movies with black actors that are advertised in suburban areas mysteriously don’t feature the black actors.

A couple of recent examples are ‘Annie’ and ‘Home.’ (Yeah, my frame of reference is children’s movies because that’s about the only thing I get to watch these days.)

Quvenzhané Wallis, the little girl who played Annie, was taken out of Target’s in-store ads for their Annie clothing collection. They featured only white children.

Tip, the main human character in 'Home,' is a black girl (possibly biracial Hispanic/black, it's not entirely clear) from Barbados. She was not in any ads in the suburbs. McDonald's had a merchandising deal for their Happy Meals. The toys were all aliens and Tip’s cat. I wanted to buy a Tip t-shirt for KG because she loves the movie and Tip, but I couldn’t find a t-shirt with only Tip on it. There are a couple of unlicensed shirt with her and the alien, but they aren't very good.

And it’s not just black characters. It affects other races, too. Take a look at Disney’s webpage with all the 'Big Hero 6' merchandise.

The main character of the movie is an Asian boy named Hiro. He's got four sidekicks and a robot. One merchandise item features Hiro. Three feature the white girl sidekick while none features the Asian girl sidekick. The white boy and black boy sidekicks each have one item. The robot has the most merchandise.

Why is the merchandising for characters of color missing? I know most of you will say that it's just a simple matter of supply and demand. It's advertising where the market is.

Well, okay, but why is the demand for white or non-human characters? Seems to me that this is a major indictment on our society's racial values. And I think that's a major problem.

5. Actors and Diversity

There is a long tradition of white actors playing the movie role part for a character of color. A few examples:
Mickey Rooney - Japanese landlord in Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Laurence Olivier - Othello (in blackface, no less)
Liam Neeson - Arabian character of Ra’s Al Ghul in Batman Begins
Emma Stone - Asian/Hawaiian/white character in Aloha
Johnny Depp - Native American character of Tonto in Lone Ranger
Christian Bale - Moses

  

And now, in recent news, Joseph Fiennes, a white man, is playing the part of Michael Jackson in an upcoming movie!

A lot of society doesn't see a problem with this. They may think it's silly, but who cares? If anyone complains or voices concern, they are dismissed with all the various race tropes...playing the race card, slavery was hundreds of years ago, what does it even matter, etc.

For most of society, black characters playing traditionally white characters are examples of political correctness run amok. See the reactions to the remake of Annie, the recent live musical of The Whiz on NBC, and rumors of Idris Elba being the next James Bond.

Even having a new lead black character in the new ‘Star Wars’ was an issue for many, and a black actress playing the part of a black character in the ‘Hunger Games’ was met with fury by some because they didn’t realize she was black when they read the book.

So, why does this even matter? Because our children, whether white or of color, see rich, deep, and varied characters in entertainment represented by white actors. Actors of color are far more likely to be offered roles that fill stereotypes: blacks as drug dealers and athletes, Mexicans as maids and janitors, Asians as the quirky side character, Native Americans as perpetually high and lazy. What message does this subtlety send our kids? How could racial stereotypes not be reinforced by this?

Speaking of Idris Elba, he recently gave a speech about the need for more true diversity and inclusion in the movie industry to the British Parliament. If you have a few minutes, it’s worth a read. Or watch the video of it below.



Bonus reading:
http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2013/04/25-minority-characters-that-hollywood-whitewashed/cloud-atlas (NSFW language in some of the descriptions)
http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/14/showbiz/gallery/rooney-mara-white-ethnic-roles/

6. Black This and Black That

"If they can have Black Entertainment Television, why can't we have White Entertainment Television?"

I admit it. I used to think this. I'm sure most white people have thought this or a version of this.

We can have the Country Music Awards and CMT to represent the underserved country music segment of the population. No one questions the need. No one asks why we can't have Rock/Pop TV since country music fans get CMT. No one gets mad and claims that country music fans hate non-country music fans.

So, why do we not offer the same understanding and courtesy to things like the Image Awards and BET?