29. What do we do now?

A lot of these issues, especially the crime and incarceration rates and the foster care system, are really complicated. The experts don’t even agree on the cause. My point in posting about them wasn’t to argue the reasons, but to show that White America is a different place than the America people of color live in. Sadly, most of White America doesn’t see this, or if they do, the blame lies at the feet of people of color.

So, where do we go from here? What now? How can you make a difference? Should you even try to make a difference?

The short answer is people, government, businesses, and society just need to stop being racist, discriminatory, and prejudicial against people of color.

The longer answer, and this is by no means exhaustive, is that we each need to start with ourselves and our families.

---Examine your heart, unpack the internal biases you hold (and you do hold some), confront them, and actively seek to change them.

---Figure out why your first reaction may be defensiveness if someone brings up a disparity among the races. Why is your first instinct to explain away, dismiss, or pushback against someone’s experience? For instance, the response to #BlackLivesMatter shouldn’t be #AllLivesMatter or #PoliceLivesMatter. It should be finding out what the movement is about, why it was created, etc. Even if you don’t agree with it, the immediate response shouldn’t be a comeback. Or if a person of color verbalizes an experience of discrimination, the first reaction shouldn’t be to make excuse for the discriminator or suggest that the cause of that experience wasn’t racial.

---Respond with empathy when a disparity is brought to your attention. Very few people are out to make you feel guilty for something you have not personally done. If your reaction is guilt, try to figure out why that might be.

---Challenge yourself to understand other viewpoints. Don’t get all your news from one source, especially if it’s a source you agree with the majority of the time. See, How to use twitter on your journey to understanding. See how one guy living in a white bubble, found a way to use those principles to help him develop empathy and understanding.

---In your home, be aware of the way you talk about people of color. You may not call black people the N-word, but do you refer to a group of teenage boys as thugs? Do you say that protestors need to go get a job? Do you refer to housing projects as the ghetto? Do you talk about welfare queens or blame people of color for all crime? Don’t tell outright or borderline racist or offensive jokes. Don’t call black people, men especially, ‘boy’ or ‘son.’ Think about the subtle ways you talk about others that could shape your children's view of people of color.

---Embrace all of society as yours. “When are they going to start talking about black-on-black crime and do something about that?” Nope. “When are we going to come up with ways of reducing the black-on-black crime problem?” (Not to mention the white-on-white crime problem, but that’s a whole other post.) As long as we view their problems as their problems and our problems as everyone's problems, things will never change.

---Stop saying things like “I don’t see color.” Refusing to see someone’s race makes you not see them or their struggles. It may sound ideal and anti-racist, but it’s a ridiculous sentiment. Do you refuse to see someone’s hair or eye color? Someone’s skin color is part of who he or she is. You cannot erase that part of them.br />
---Don’t say things like “You’re so articulate” or anything else that could logically end in a silent “for a person of color.” Don’t say things like “You don’t act black.” Don’t try to “act” black to relate to a black person.

---Teach your children that differences in skin color are okay, and skin color/race is not a taboo subject. If your young kid loudly exclaims, “That man’s skin is dirty!” when she sees a black man at the grocery store, don’t shush her. Calmly explain that people come in all varieties of shapes, sizes, and colors and his skin isn’t dirty, it’s brown like [insert someone you know or a character she can relate to here].

---In order to avoid the above embarrassing example, expose your children to other races and cultures from Day 1. Take a look at the books and other entertainment your kids take in. Are the characters vastly white? Are the dolls or action figures they play with primarily white? When you go out to eat or to the grocery store look around with fresh eyes. Are the customers all white? Are the only people of color you see servers or cashiers? I love Chuy’s, but I hesitate to go back to the local one because all three times I’ve been there, my daughters were the only people of color except for the kitchen staff who were Hispanic. Check out local cultural shows and exhibits. Go to a playground, park, or library on the “black side” of town. Depending on your religious beliefs, go visit a predominately black church.

---Show your children that the lives of people of color are valuable by including people of color in your lives. Are all of your friends white? Are all of your kids’ friends white?

---Talk to your white children about ways they can help keep their black friends safe and out of misunderstood trouble.

---When you see discrimination or hear racist comments, don’t keep your head down. Call people on their behavior. Challenge people to justify their behavior.

---For those Christians among my readers, remember that you cannot preach Jesus when you’re willingly insulating yourself in a white bubble. Read this article, “How Talking to Your Kids about Race Helps Fulfill the Great Commission.”

---I've put together a small list of resources of books and articles for adults and lists of books for children and teens.
So, do you think life in America is equal and the same opportunity is available for all, no matter the race? What are some things I haven’t listed that YOU think you can do to help? Do you have any other thoughts you’d like to share?